George W. Bush: A President Guy, Kinda

Heckuva job, Bushie.George W. Bush’s historical legacy is still uncertain, but one thing is for sure: George W. Bush kept this nation safe from the ominous, ever-present danger of uncleared brush.

In Bush’s mind, uncleared brush was the biggest problem facing the world, and he spent months at a time at his ranch in Texas clearing brush, keeping all Americans safe from whatever danger it is uncleared brush poses. Hay fever, maybe? Thorns? We don’t know.

Bush moved thousands of troops from Afghanistan who were looking for Osama bin Laden to Iraq to look for Saddam Hussein’s “weapons of mass destruction,” which is what George W. Bush called uncleared brush. But because most of Iraq is a desert, no uncleared brush was found. Bush declared “Mission Accomplished!” and continued clearing brush at home in Texas.

During eight years in office, Bush cleared all the brush from an area the size of two Kentuckys. But what happened to all that brush? Well, as “weapons of mass destruction,” all that brush is sitting in underground missile silos as part of America’s Strategic Brush Reserve. Because someday, we may need to attack an enemy with hay fever or thorns or some shit.


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