Category: Vice Presidents Or Some Shit

Garret A. Hobart: Another Vice President

Our second vice president, Garret A. Hobart is probably best known today for being our second vice president. He served under John Adams, who said of Hobart, “Who….?” History has been kind to Garret A. Hobart, not remembering a single damn thing about him. Maybe he never even existed. Who knows?

Here are some more facts about Garret A. Hobart:

  • Remind us to go to the store today–we have to pick up cat litter.
  • And some like, Lysol or something, because that litter box stinks hard with a vengeance. Damn!
  • Maybe we should get around to cleaning it up more than once a month…?

Garret A. Hobart: Vice President To The Stars

Our first vice president, Garret A. Hobart, is responsible for many of the customs and traditions of the vice presidency. First, he was profoundly dull. Second,and more importantly, his chief duty was attending the funerals for foreign dignitaries. Many, many funerals. Thousands of funerals. Sadly, he was removed from office when it was discovered he was killing foreign dignitaries just so he could attend their funerals. Not because it was wrong, but because he became way too interesting to be vice president.

Here are some more facts about Garret A. Hobart:

  • George Washington chose him to be vice president after Hobart won a “Who’s The Most Painfully Boring Man In Ye Olde Thirteen Colonies?” competition 14 times in a row.
  • Hobart set a high level of boredom right off the bat, taking to the podium to discuss his stamp collection for three hours at Washington’s inauguration.
  • When Hobart died in 1803, he was survived by his wife, Elizabeth, and his mustache, Gregory.

Garret A. Hobart: Vice President, Once

When you think of vice presidents, who immediately springs to mind? Well, Joe Biden. But then who? Yeah, Dick Cheney, of course. And OK, Al Gore, and Walter Mondale, and the first George Bush, and Gerald Ford, and Harry Truman, and Nixon. Thomas Jefferson. John Adams. OK, but eventually, you think of Garret A. Hobart, right? No? Me, neither.

Here are a few more facts about Garret A. Hobart:

  • Also, you know who else springs to mind before Garret A. Hobart? Schuyler Colfax. Andrew Johnson. That guy who was Taft’s vice president. Hubert Humphrey.
  • Heck, even John Fremont, and I’m not even sure he WAS vice president, was he? He would have been a good one, though.
  • I mean, I could probably name more Secretaries of Agriculture before coming up with Garret A. Hobart. What a Hobart.